"Oh, you're awake!" Mary exclaims, as she walks into my hospital room with her stethoscope bouncing around her shoulders. "You should be trying to get some sleep." I text Tommy. Jane :I have to go! I turn my gaze to Mary's sleepy eyes and concerned smile, trying to brighten my expression. "I can't." "Feeling nauseated?" she asks, tilting her head at me and moving to stand beside me. "Want me to get you something?" "I am, but no, thank you." I like Mary, and feel sorry for her having to look after sick kids, day in and day out. It has to be hard. I am actually one of the oldest on this ward. Mary; it's the perfect name for a nurse. Wise and comforting, somehow, and yet Mary is only in her thirties, maybe even late twenties. I liked her straight away, because she has streaks of colour in her blonde hair, and a calligraphy-style tattoo on her forearm that reads: 'you have more than most will ever find’. "Want to hear about what Charlie did to Nurse Lidia yesterday?" she asks, sitting on the mattress and patting my leg. My phone buzzes, but I switch it off and tuck it under my pillow. I can't help but feel like Tommy didn't like what he saw. I'm no stunner. He hit up my phone for attention, made it perfectly clear he didn't want me to hang up, and then as soon as I sent my picture… crickets. Jerk… "Okay," I agree, and slide my bum back against the bedhead in preparation for her story. Charlie is on another ward, but tales of his behavior reaches all corners of the hospital. "Do tell." "Well, usually when you put a catheter into a man, you have to walk in all coy-like. Sneak in, even. I usually smile, hiding the equipment, and say good morning, ask him how his day has been, ya know, try to take his mind off what I'm about to do. Then, I have to rip the sheets back, lunge at him, and grab his willy so quickly before it disappears, because then you'll never find it. It's amazing, their willies just get sucked up into them, as soon as they see those tubes." And now I'm grinning so hard my face might break. "So, anyway, Lidia went into see Charlie, and attempted the same technique. Except when she ripped back the blanket and went to grab his willy, it was erected and huge, and he was staring at her and smiling." I burst out laughing. "Oh my God!" "And then he winked at her." Mary winks at me, reenacting Charlie. "And then licked his lips." "Oh my God!" She leans back and we both beam at each other. "I know, amazing. That man is not even afraid of The Tube." She shakes her head in awe. "What a man." "Is he hot?" "Oh, heavens, no. He is old now. But, I reckon he would have been when he was younger. He is far too confident to have been ugly." She tilts her head in contemplation. "Although, from what I hear, his willy is big enough to give any man an ego." I grin and sigh. "I wouldn't know anything about that." "Oh, Jane. You're still young-" As the words come out of her mouth, she nearly chokes on them, and that is when the mood dies, and we both remember where we are, and why we are here. "Honey…" "Forget I said anything, Mary." "Want me to tell you all about it?" She laughs, but it is forced, and her eyes are suddenly glossing over. "I feel better every day," I lie. "I'll be alright," I lie even more. "Of course you will, Jane." She sits up straight, and I can almost see her putting her nurse hat back on, figuratively."On a scale of-" "Seven." "Okay." She stands, and walks over to my chart to finally do what she came in my room to do. "I'll get some painkillers, and bring you back some water. Do you want anything else?" A hot boyfriend… To learn how to drive a car… To see my eighteenth birthday. "No, I'm good." "Alright," she says, and strolls towards the door. "Hey, Mary," I call out to her. She turns, and tries to smile at me. "Thanks for the story. Keep ‘em coming." She sighs. "You bet ya!"